A “found gift” is a gift that has special meaning about or for the recipient.  In this age of big ticket items and buying gift cards (not to mention cash), we have lost the fine art of giving gifts that really mean something.

Over Thanksgiving, our family draws names out of a hat for the person that we will give the “found gift” to at Christmas.  The rules are simple.  Keep the name a secret. Do not just go out and buy a gift (spending no money is preferable, but sometime necessary).  The gift has to either be something that is “found” around the house or made.  And an optional “rule” that we use is that the giver must include a written description of the gift and why they are giving it, and they are expected to read the letter out loud (scary, huh?)

This little tradition has transformed our family Christmas celebrations. Sure, we still give the standard gifts: toys, clothes, and do-dads.  But on Christmas Eve, after we all get into our new pajamas, we share our found gifts with each other as a way to symbolize our relationship with Christ and with each other.

Last year, my wife drew my name.  The gift she gave me was a small key that had been kept in her van glove box.  The key was of little importance, but kept there because of the roof rack I installed on that that has a locking mechanism.  The key doesn’t even unlock the racks.  It is the “core” key — it is a blank key that is used to install (or uninstall) the core of the locking mechanism.  When I explained that though the key doesn’t actually unlock the system, it does get to the very core of the system, my wife knew she had found her gift.

On Christmas morning, I opened my gift…that simple little key.  Lynne went on to explain that she said my explanation of the key’s purpose was similar to my role in her life and the life of our family…that my leadership gets to the very core of who we are as a familly.  She went on to talk about how important I was as a husband and a father.  As a guy that often feels like he is failing as a husband or father (what dad/husband doesn’t?), these words of encouragement and appreciation were deeply touching.

Today, I still carry this gift around on my key chain as a constant reminder that I am important and valued as the leader of my family.  When all other gifts I received at Christmas were forgotten the next week, this gift stays with me, and continues to transform my relationship with my wife and kids.

I encourage you to consider starting a new tradition in your family this year…I guarantee that it will make a huge difference!  Let me know how it went.

Merry Christmas!

Thankfully, we have a daughter who can now drive and was able to come rescue the family while I waited for the tow truck, which finally did arrive an hour later.  I missed out on pizza, but now I know — thanks to my knowledgeable tow truck buddy that I’m getting to know by sight — that Avalons and Dodge Neons apparently share a propensity for becoming unsprung.  Who knew?!

This seems to be a week, as we contemplate a couple of expensive improvements to the house, where other things are conspiring against our financial ability to make those improvements.  I don’t know if this is God’s way of answering my prayers for wise guidance, or just life, but either way I’m glad that I’ve been currently studying the book of Job, because my little issues are nothing compared to his.  Therefore, I will attempt to take less for granted my things of luxury, including a car that is now back on the rode, its springs all springy once again.

1. Beat the heat by visiting an art museum.  Here in Kansas City, the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art is finishing up a special exhibition of a Monet 3-piece work that I want to take the kids to see.  Just thinking of the cooling colors of a Monet pond scene helps me endure this heat wave better!
2. Build something with the kids.  Picked up this book from the library and can’t wait to launch an H2O rocket!
3. Get out of town for the day. We’re heading to this quaint little town which is only a couple of hours out of KC to explore, have some ice cream, and take in a little mystery at the theatre.
4. Hit the Farmer’s Market or pick-your-own produce farm.  We’ve really enjoyed expanding our repertoire of fresh foods this summer.  We’ll probably go here and here at least once more before school hits.
5. Get wet.  Time to hit the pool, turn on the sprinklers, or maybe cut into a juicy, ripe watermelon.

• There are two types of camping people in the world: those who go and USE nature, and those of us who want to be IN nature.  When you camp at a park focused on a lake, you tend to get the former and they are typically loud, drunk, and messy.  When you camp at a park without a lake, the campers tend to be quieter, more focused on hiking, biking, and relaxing, and they tend to take better care of the park.  We stayed HERE, which was beautiful, but the weekend crowd was definitely a lake-crowd.  I started to dislike Kentuckians.
• We walked the trail that Daniel Boone blazed across the Cumberland Gap.  There is something in me that yearns to discover new lands and pave the way for others to follow.
• Colonel Sanders was an amazing man.  Believe it or not, THIS is worth a stop and having lunch.
• Surprised by this venture on a train to an old, deserted mining community.  People lived harder lives back then, that is for sure, but still, there is something about the simplicity of it all that is appealing.
• If you ever go here, skip the side of the river where the gift store is and head across the bridge and walk the Eagle Falls trail — much better views of Cumberland Falls thrown in.
• Red River Gorge is beautiful and is second only to Utah for the number of natural arches (Gray’s Arch is a must-see).  We hiked several trails and caught up on laundry.  Our campsite was quiet, peaceful, and a lot less mosquitoes.  Camping is ALWAYS better with less mosquitoes.
• Visited the site of the Battle of Richmond, including this visitor center.  An amazing guide showed us around.  I’m still confused at why Native-Americans would join the Civil War…I’d love to know their motivation and how they decided which side to join.  It is fascinating to engage my son about the Civil War and see the conclusions and opinions he forms.  He has some very profound thoughts.
• I was blown away by Kentucky Horse Park in Lexington.  Amazing grounds, beautiful horses, and a well-done museum about the history of horses and how they influenced history.  Well worth the expensive admittance price, especially when you have a 10-year-old daughter who adores horses.
• Sitting at a campsite in the early dawn hours and listening for God’s voice is the epitome of living, in my opinion.  Though, I did get concerned one morning that the large gathering of crows was planning on attacking our campsite.
• Mammoth Cave National Park was truly mammoth.  The campground was not ideal, but the cave is HUGE!  We took two different tours, including one by lamplight.  I’m just glad I made it through Fat Man’s Misery– I wouldn’t have lived it down if I had gotten stuck!
• 9 nights without a single rain-storm!  That is a Haynes family camping record.  Didn’t get the tent wet even once.
• I love getting to watch my kids on trips like this, especially when they serve each other.  Tim used some of his souvenir money to buy his little sister an extra souvenir, Elizabeth jumps right in and helps with setting up the tent, and Anna loves getting the cots and sleeping bags arranged.  We can tear down and re-load a campsite in under an hour (it used to take us 3 hours).  Anna built her first campfire by herself…she was very proud.
• I discovered that I am more stressed when I don’t have a clear plan for the day.  Because of our last minute destination change, we weren’t as planned out as I like.  It was hard to relax on some days.
• I also have to learn to trust God and those back home that ministry can and will go on without me.  I was anxious about how things would go in Kidzone and my dads group, but all went well.  Sometimes my arrogance can get the best of me and tricks me into thinking that I am way more important than I really am.
• Oh, and I did meet some Kentuckians that were pleasant and not drunk.  I quit disliking them, though they sure do talk strange.
• My wife and kids still dislike bluegrass music.  I’ll have to continue listening in the closet.
• Apparently, based on my daughter’s conclusions, you haven’t really visited a place until you’ve gone through the gift store, twice.

Yea, I know, I’ve been a Christian a long time…we’re all supposed to be able to “thee” and “thou” with the best of them and give an “AMEN!” at the end of every other sentence.  Personally though, I’m still trying to figure out why I’m supposed to close my eyes.

I could probably count on two hands how many times I’ve really felt like I’ve gotten prayer right…and yet, even with those “successes” I’ve still struggled to keep praying in a real and meaningful way.  Sometimes I feel like I’m a 7th grader at his first dance and all I can get out of my mouth when I move towards that cute girl on the other side of the room is “bla-bla-gloobla-bloo”.

But this week a couple of big prayer moments happened.  First, my wife felt compelled to pray for the kids in our KidZone program at Shoal Creek.  She invited others on the team to join her, but they probably suffer from the same “first dance” complex that I often do, and didn’t choose to come.  But that didn’t stop Lynne — she walked the hallway, entering each and every room, praying for the kids and for their small group leaders.  She prayed very specific prayers, and she asked specific requests of God.  She told me afterward, as she prayed over my desk, that she felt God gave her the word “oneness” — that as “one team” our staff of volunteers need to serve these kids and share with them God’s Redemptive Story.  Not sure what that looks like yet, but I felt God’s presence in that.

The second event happened today.  Spurred on by the example of my wife, and responding to a felt call by the Spirit, I prayed for each and every man in my Tuesday morning men’s group.  I had promised them to take up their causes and needs and pray a FULL HOUR for them this week.

What was I thinking??!!  A full HOUR?

Now, don’t get me wrong, but I almost hate it when people ask me to pray for them.  ”Of course,” I’ll tell them, then either promptly forget it, or I’ll say a quickie prayer under my breath as I get in the car –”God help them” — then go on, knowing I’ve done my civic duty.  I’ve checked it off my to-do list.

What I discovered today, as I walked for that whole hour (I prefer to walk while I’m praying, which is a good reason for me to NOT close my eyes), is that when I pray out of my head, I spend little to no time thinking about the person I’m praying about or the God to whom I am praying.  Today, however, as I spent the whole hour, I had to slow down (or else run out of things to pray about), and in that slowing down, I started to think about what each man was going through in their life that needed that prayer.  And I started to consider how God may go about answering that prayer.  And I started reflecting on how that prayer request could have just as easily been a prayer for myself.

As I went through the prayers for these 10 other men, I realized that I was bound to them by the mutual desire to be better men, better husbands, better friends, better fathers, and better Christ-followers.  Our hopes and dreams were bound up together, and our joy and suffering was the same.  My heart moved toward them, and it softened.  And my intimacy with the Lord deepened as we shared a moment of hope, love, and grace towards this humble group of men.

I learned today that Praying is a matter of the heart, not of the head.

Now, the prayer I need from you is that I don’t forget that lesson.

Then God wormed His way into my hard heart and taught me the joy giving.  Once that first penny slipped from my tight-fisted hand, there was no turning back.  God began moving my heart from Selfish to Charitable.

But He didn’t stop there. He began to challenge me to be Extravagant in my giving, to the point that my wife would cringe whenever I would suggest giving money to some Need.  We sort of fell into an informal arrangement that if we were faced with a Need, we would both throw out a number, and the higher number was the one we went with.  I was winning these crazy bouts of spiritual roulette because I had quit being concerned about how God was going to use the finances.

Recently though, I’ve begun to notice that I’m not winning these contests any more.  For one thing, my lovely bride has been totally captured by the Extravagance of God and is giving like she was no longer a wife obsessed with financial security.  Crazy!

But on the other hand, I’ve noticed that I’m not jumping in with the same enthusiasm that I once had.  I’m not totally sure why that has happened, though it may have something to do with having worked in a small-budget non-profit for the past 8 years.  I spent a lot of time getting other people to give cheerfully while I carefully counted the proceeds, nervously hoping we’d make budget by year-end.

And though my wife and I give more money away than we ever have, I’m concerned that my heart isn’t in it; I’ve slipped from Extravagant back to Charitable.  You see, I don’t think you can measure the Journey of Giving by only how much you give, but by how you give it and how willingly you are to do it.

I was recently hit by Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians:

^6-7Remember: A stingy planter gets a stingy crop; a lavish planter gets a lavish crop. I want each of you to take plenty of time to think it over, and make up your own mind what you will give. That will protect you against sob stories and arm-twisting. God loves it when the giver delights in the giving.

^8-11God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you’re ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done. As one psalmist puts it,

He throws caution to the winds,
giving to the needy in reckless abandon.
His right-living, right-giving ways
never run out, never wear out.

This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with us great praise to God.

^12-15Carrying out this social relief work involves far more than helping meet the bare needs of poor Christians. It also produces abundant and bountiful thanksgivings to God. This relief offering is a prod to live at your very best, showing your gratitude to God by being openly obedient to the plain meaning of the Message of Christ. You show your gratitude through your generous offerings to your needy brothers and sisters, and really toward everyone. Meanwhile, moved by the extravagance of God in your lives, they’ll respond by praying for you in passionate intercession for whatever you need. Thank God for this gift, his gift. No language can praise it enough! (The Message)

What is fascinating is that God is the one who give with reckless abandon!!  He let’s me sit and ponder and choose who and what I want to give to (with His money, no less), but He will take my decisions and make them Extravagant!

So, for me, the next step is to take a step towards Extravagant again.  I think I need to re-engage how we give and be excited and passionate about what we are giving to.  Giving is not an option.  But God loves it when we’re so engaged in the giving that Joy erupts every time we let go of another penny for the sake of His Glory.  I think God meant for our Giving to be Fun.

How about you? Is Giving something Fun, Painful, or Neither?  If it isn’t fun, you may want to consider the state of your heart.

To this John replied, “A man can receive only what is given him from heaven.” — John 3:27 (NIV)

In the midst of pressing priorities and daily action steps, there is only so much that can be accomplished.  How to choose?

John the Baptist was getting questions about his ministry and what his future priorities should be now that Jesus was out baptizing people.  John’s “ministry” was suffering from the new “competition” in town and some of his followers wanted to know what he was going to do about it.  John replied, “He [Jesus] must become greater; I must become less.” (Jn 3:30, NIV)

It was not John’s purpose in life to be the Messiah.  His purpose was to prepare the way.  He knew this and centered his life’s priorities around the purpose that he had been given (by God), not what he had not been given (or what he may have desired for himself).  He knew that man could not receive what he had not been given. 

Reading this today caused me to reflect on what have I been given that reveals what God desires for me to be doing, or prioritizing, in my life.  I came up with this list, in no particular order:

• God has given me a wonderful wife — love her.
• God has given me three incredible kids — teach them.
• God has given me a passion for kids & families — reach out to them.
• God has equipped me with a set of skills/experiences/gifts — use them to help others.
• God has given me an ability and passion for storytelling — tell His story to those who have never heard it.
• God has given me a body to dwell in — take care of it.
• God has given me more resources than I need — share them with those who need.
• God has given me a community of friends, neighbors, and family — serve and encourage them.
• God has given me freedom from guilt, shame, and self-condemnation — live free!

What has God given to you?  Are you living your life out of those gifts, or are you grasping for things that you don’t and can’t have?

After walking her to school, I opened up God’s Word to the next passage in John that I wanted to explore.  It happened to be John 3: 9-15 where Jesus is conversing with a scholarly Jewish man named Nicodemus, who is confused by Jesus and what he represents.  One of the things Jesus says to him is this: “I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?” (verse 12, NIV).

I want my daughter to know that Christ walks with her at every moment and he truly is as tangible in her life as her mom or dad.  But I have to ask myself: Am I believable?  Can I truly teach her about the heavenly wonders when I spend so little time sharing with her about earthly wonders? Now I know that I’m turning this particular passage on its head and reading into it something that isn’t there, but that’s what hit me.  Jesus spoke of earthly things first.  If my daughter can’t trust me in earthly matters, how will she trust me when I attempt to explore the heavenly with her, and ultimately point her to the Spirit that resides in those who believe?

So what do I do, not only for her, but for all those that I care about?  I think I have to begin living life more openly, and exploring more the lives of those around me.  My hope is that as I live this earthly life more deeply and openly that those moments of heavenly clarity will become as “tangible” to my children as they are to me.

When you look at them — do you feel energized, or depressed/concerned/anxious/angry?

Eugene Peterson wrote in The Message for his introduction to 1st Thessalonnians:

The way we conceive the future sculpts the present, gives contour and tone to nearly every action and thought through the day. If our sense of future is weak, we live listlessly. Much emotional and mental illness and most suicides occur among men and women who feel they they ‘have no future.’

When I look at the people I care most about, I have the power to sculpt their future and their present by what I allow myself to see.  If I see them with fearful anxiety, or malice, then I create a snapshot of their present that will affect their future.  When I move beyond my fears for and about them, and give voice to how God truly sees them and wants for them, I can begin to affect their present and future.  I have the power to give the gift of hope to those I care about the most.

But I have to voice it.  I have to take the time to prayerfully consider what God sees in them; what He has created them to be.  I have to remove my own selfish desires for them, my own feelings of disappointment in them, and my own anxieties of the unsafe world they exist in, and truly seek God’s vision for them.  It will always have Hope in it, even if the journey to that hopeful future includes pain.

So today, will you pray for those you care the most about?  Will you ask God to give you His eyes to see them? Will you write down what you see and share it with them?

My wife does this often, particularly as we seek to follow His will for our lives.  She has to push past what she sees as my weaknesses (without being blind to them), push past her own fears of our financial security, and push past her natural tendency to see the world as a negative environment for dreams.  She has gifted me with several letters over the past few years about her trust in God working through me, her belief in God’s will for me, and her willingness to follow me wherever God leads me.  She shares how she values the gifts and leadership I bring to our family and our relationship.  And on those days when I feel like I don’t have the strength or the wisdom or the willfulness to press on, I can drag out her letters and read again the hopeful future she sees for me.

I wish I could give this gift to every mom, dad, child, and friend — another person lifting them up towards a hopeful future.

In addition to committing myself to getting my body back into a state of physical health (something that took some hits this past year), I am focusing on the following:

J1 – Earner to Heir: I will give at least half-a-day-a-week to walk with my God in outdoor solitude, and a day of fasting at least once a month, in order to better maintain focus on my beautiful relationship with my Father.

J2 – Self-Hearted to Soft-Hearted: I will spend more time each day exploring the needs of my wife and taking leadership in the growing list of large projects at our home, in order to strengthen my heart, serve my wife, and model servanthood to my children.

J3 – Receiver to Giver: I will take a more active role in discussing Christ with my kids on a weekly basis, and reach out to my neighbors by actively creating connecting opportunities this year.

J4 – Isolation to Community: I will more intentionally build relationships with the men in my Tuesday morning group and Thursday evening small group by connecting (phone, email, or in person) with at least one member each week.

J5 – Consumer to Producer: I will actively develop the art of Storytelling in me by teaching children how to tell stories through a summer camp and school storytelling club, ultimately in order to better teach the greater Story of God to my community.

J6 – Charitable to Extravagant: I will help my children better gain an understanding of the power of giving by guiding them to giving opportunities; and I will give sacrificially to help eradicate the Shoal Creek mortgage.

J7 - Traveler to Guide: I will bring together a team of families passionate about helping families begin the spiritual journey towards full devotion to Christ.

There are some smaller details in the midst of all of these that, hopefully, will help accomplish these “next steps”, but in general, they are the things I know I need to focus on this year.  I am excited about the adventure and grateful for the men in my life who will help me, and who I get to help in their journeys as well.

What do YOU need to do this year to move you closer to God?