Starting a new Christmas Tradition: Found Gifts December 10, 2011
Posted by erichaynes in Dads, Family Ministry, Family Stories, General, Random Reflections, Readings, and Resources.Tags: Christmas, dad, gifts, traditions
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My friend Richard has a great post about his experience with Found Gifts. I wanted to share his post and a story of my own.
A “found gift” is a gift that has special meaning about or for the recipient. In this age of big ticket items and buying gift cards (not to mention cash), we have lost the fine art of giving gifts that really mean something.
Over Thanksgiving, our family draws names out of a hat for the person that we will give the “found gift” to at Christmas. The rules are simple. Keep the name a secret. Do not just go out and buy a gift (spending no money is preferable, but sometime necessary). The gift has to either be something that is “found” around the house or made. And an optional “rule” that we use is that the giver must include a written description of the gift and why they are giving it, and they are expected to read the letter out loud (scary, huh?)
This little tradition has transformed our family Christmas celebrations. Sure, we still give the standard gifts: toys, clothes, and do-dads. But on Christmas Eve, after we all get into our new pajamas, we share our found gifts with each other as a way to symbolize our relationship with Christ and with each other
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Last year, my wife drew my name. The gift she gave me was a small key that had been kept in her van glove box. The key was of little importance, but kept there because of the roof rack I installed on that that has a locking mechanism. The key doesn’t even unlock the racks. It is the “core” key — it is a blank key that is used to install (or uninstall) the core of the locking mechanism. When I explained that though the key doesn’t actually unlock the system, it does get to the very core of the system, my wife knew she had found her gift.
On Christmas morning, I opened my gift…that simple little key. Lynne went on to explain that she said my explanation of the key’s purpose was similar to my role in her life and the life of our family…that my leadership gets to the very core of who we are as a familly. She went on to talk about how important I was as a husband and a father. As a guy that often feels like he is failing as a husband or father (what dad/husband doesn’t?), these words of encouragement and appreciation were deeply touching.
Today, I still carry this gift around on my key chain as a constant reminder that I am important and valued as the leader of my family. When all other gifts I received at Christmas were forgotten the next week, this gift stays with me, and continues to transform my relationship with my wife and kids.
I encourage you to consider starting a new tradition in your family this year…I guarantee that it will make a huge difference! Let me know how it went.
Merry Christmas!
Stop Praying in your Head May 11, 2011
Posted by erichaynes in Family Ministry, General, Leadership, Spiritual Journey, Stories of MyLife.Tags: Christ, Family Ministry, God, Grace, Intimacy, Journey, leaders, Leadership, ministry, people, prayer, Presence of God, small groups, Spiritual Journey, spiritual transformation, Spirituality, Stories of MyLife, Talking with God
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I struggle to pray. 
Yea, I know, I’ve been a Christian a long time…we’re all supposed to be able to “thee” and “thou” with the best of them and give an “AMEN!” at the end of every other sentence. Personally though, I’m still trying to figure out why I’m supposed to close my eyes.
I could probably count on two hands how many times I’ve really felt like I’ve gotten prayer right…and yet, even with those “successes” I’ve still struggled to keep praying in a real and meaningful way. Sometimes I feel like I’m a 7th grader at his first dance and all I can get out of my mouth when I move towards that cute girl on the other side of the room is “bla-bla-gloobla-bloo”.
But this week a couple of big prayer moments happened. First, my wife felt compelled to pray for the kids in our KidZone program at Shoal Creek. She invited others on the team to join her, but they probably suffer from the same “first dance” complex that I often do, and didn’t choose to come. But that didn’t stop Lynne — she walked the hallway, entering each and every room, praying for the kids and for their small group leaders. She prayed very specific prayers, and she asked specific requests of God. She told me afterward, as she prayed over my desk, that she felt God gave her the word “oneness” — that as “one team” our staff of volunteers need to serve these kids and share with them God’s Redemptive Story. Not sure what that looks like yet, but I felt God’s presence in that.
The second event happened today. Spurred on by the example of my wife, and responding to a felt call by the Spirit, I prayed for each and every man in my Tuesday morning men’s group. I had promised them to take up their causes and needs and pray a FULL HOUR for them this week.
What was I thinking??!! A full HOUR?
Now, don’t get me wrong, but I almost hate it when people ask me to pray for them. ”Of course,” I’ll tell them, then either promptly forget it, or I’ll say a quickie prayer under my breath as I get in the car –”God help them” — then go on, knowing I’ve done my civic duty. I’ve checked it off my to-do list.
What I discovered today, as I walked for that whole hour (I prefer to walk while I’m praying, which is a good reason for me to NOT close my eyes), is that when I pray out of my head, I spend little to no time thinking about the person I’m praying about or the God to whom I am praying. Today, however, as I spent the whole hour, I had to slow down (or else run out of things to pray about), and in that slowing down, I started to think about what each man was going through in their life that needed that prayer. And I started to consider how God may go about answering that prayer. And I started reflecting on how that prayer request could have just as easily been a prayer for myself.
As I went through the prayers for these 10 other men, I realized that I was bound to them by the mutual desire to be better men, better husbands, better friends, better fathers, and better Christ-followers. Our hopes and dreams were bound up together, and our joy and suffering was the same. My heart moved toward them, and it softened. And my intimacy with the Lord deepened as we shared a moment of hope, love, and grace towards this humble group of men.
I learned today that Praying is a matter of the heart, not of the head.
Now, the prayer I need from you is that I don’t forget that lesson.
Grabbing Money April 25, 2011
Posted by erichaynes in Family Stories, Financial Freedom, General, Reflections on the Bible, Spiritual Journey, Stories of MyLife.Tags: Bible, Christ, Comfort, fear, finances, giving, God, Journey, money, Spiritual Journey, spiritual transformation, Spirituality, Stories of MyLife
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When I was a teenager, I vowed that I would never give a church a red cent of my money.
Then God wormed His way into my hard heart and taught me the joy giving. Once that first penny slipped from my tight-fisted hand, there was no turning back. God began moving my heart from Selfish to Charitable.
But He didn’t stop there. He began to challenge me to be Extravagant in my giving, to the point that my wife would cringe whenever I would suggest giving money to some Need. We sort of fell into an informal arrangement that if we were faced with a Need, we would both throw out a number, and the higher number was the one we went with. I was winning these crazy bouts of spiritual roulette because I had quit being concerned about how God was going to use the finances.
Recently though, I’ve begun to notice that I’m not winning these contests any more. For one thing, my lovely bride has been totally captured by the Extravagance of God and is giving like she was no longer a wife obsessed with financial security. Crazy!
But on the other hand, I’ve noticed that I’m not jumping in with the same enthusiasm that I once had. I’m not totally sure why that has happened, though it may have something to do with having worked in a small-budget non-profit for the past 8 years. I spent a lot of time getting other people to give cheerfully while I carefully counted the proceeds, nervously hoping we’d make budget by year-end.
And though my wife and I give more money away than we ever have, I’m concerned that my heart isn’t in it; I’ve slipped from Extravagant back to Charitable. You see, I don’t think you can measure the Journey of Giving by only how much you give, but by how you give it and how willingly you are to do it.
I was recently hit by Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians:
6-7Remember: A stingy planter gets a stingy crop; a lavish planter gets a lavish crop. I want each of you to take plenty of time to think it over, and make up your own mind what you will give. That will protect you against sob stories and arm-twisting. God loves it when the giver delights in the giving.
8-11God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you’re ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done. As one psalmist puts it,
He throws caution to the winds,
giving to the needy in reckless abandon.
His right-living, right-giving ways
never run out, never wear out.This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with us great praise to God.
12-15Carrying out this social relief work involves far more than helping meet the bare needs of poor Christians. It also produces abundant and bountiful thanksgivings to God. This relief offering is a prod to live at your very best, showing your gratitude to God by being openly obedient to the plain meaning of the Message of Christ. You show your gratitude through your generous offerings to your needy brothers and sisters, and really toward everyone. Meanwhile, moved by the extravagance of God in your lives, they’ll respond by praying for you in passionate intercession for whatever you need. Thank God for this gift, his gift. No language can praise it enough! (The Message)
What is fascinating is that God is the one who give with reckless abandon!! He let’s me sit and ponder and choose who and what I want to give to (with His money, no less), but He will take my decisions and make them Extravagant!
So, for me, the next step is to take a step towards Extravagant again. I think I need to re-engage how we give and be excited and passionate about what we are giving to. Giving is not an option. But God loves it when we’re so engaged in the giving that Joy erupts every time we let go of another penny for the sake of His Glory. I think God meant for our Giving to be Fun.
How about you? Is Giving something Fun, Painful, or Neither? If it isn’t fun, you may want to consider the state of your heart.
Setting Priorities March 10, 2011
Posted by erichaynes in Family Ministry, Family Stories, General, Reflections on the Bible, Spiritual Journey, Stories of Marriage, Stories of MyLife.Tags: Bible, Christ, Family Ministry, goals, God, Jesus, Leadership, ministry, Priorities, purpose, Spiritual Journey, Spirituality, Stories of MyLife, time management
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To this John replied, “A man can receive only what is given him from heaven.” — John 3:27 (NIV)
In the midst of pressing priorities and daily action steps, there is only so much that can be accomplished. How to choose?
John the Baptist was getting questions about his ministry and what his future priorities should be now that Jesus was out baptizing people. John’s “ministry” was suffering from the new “competition” in town and some of his followers wanted to know what he was going to do about it. John replied, “He [Jesus] must become greater; I must become less.” (Jn 3:30, NIV)
It was not John’s purpose in life to be the Messiah. His purpose was to prepare the way. He knew this and centered his life’s priorities around the purpose that he had been given (by God), not what he had not been given (or what he may have desired for himself). He knew that man could not receive what he had not been given. 
Reading this today caused me to reflect on what have I been given that reveals what God desires for me to be doing, or prioritizing, in my life. I came up with this list, in no particular order:
- God has given me a wonderful wife — love her.
- God has given me three incredible kids — teach them.
- God has given me a passion for kids & families — reach out to them.
- God has equipped me with a set of skills/experiences/gifts — use them to help others.
- God has given me an ability and passion for storytelling — tell His story to those who have never heard it.
- God has given me a body to dwell in — take care of it.
- God has given me more resources than I need — share them with those who need.
- God has given me a community of friends, neighbors, and family — serve and encourage them.
- God has given me freedom from guilt, shame, and self-condemnation — live free!
What has God given to you? Are you living your life out of those gifts, or are you grasping for things that you don’t and can’t have?
Touching Jesus March 3, 2011
Posted by erichaynes in Family Ministry, Family Stories, General, Reflections on the Bible, Spiritual Journey, Stories of MyLife.Tags: Bible, Christ, God, Intimacy, Jesus, Presence of God, Spiritual Journey, spiritual transformation, Spirituality, Stories of MyLife, Talking with God
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My youngest daughter said this morning that it was hard to love Jesus because you couldn’t touch him like she could touch mom or dad or someone here physically. I cringed, knowing that I probably wasn’t going to be able to offer her an explanation over our breakfast of Pop-Tarts of Christ’s constant presence with us. 
After walking her to school, I opened up God’s Word to the next passage in John that I wanted to explore. It happened to be John 3: 9-15 where Jesus is conversing with a scholarly Jewish man named Nicodemus, who is confused by Jesus and what he represents. One of the things Jesus says to him is this: “I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?” (verse 12, NIV).
I want my daughter to know that Christ walks with her at every moment and he truly is as tangible in her life as her mom or dad. But I have to ask myself: Am I believable? Can I truly teach her about the heavenly wonders when I spend so little time sharing with her about earthly wonders? Now I know that I’m turning this particular passage on its head and reading into it something that isn’t there, but that’s what hit me. Jesus spoke of earthly things first. If my daughter can’t trust me in earthly matters, how will she trust me when I attempt to explore the heavenly with her, and ultimately point her to the Spirit that resides in those who believe?
So what do I do, not only for her, but for all those that I care about? I think I have to begin living life more openly, and exploring more the lives of those around me. My hope is that as I live this earthly life more deeply and openly that those moments of heavenly clarity will become as “tangible” to my children as they are to me.
