Eric Haynes

Hiding From God January 16, 2010

When my 12-year-old son gets in trouble, he sinks into himself, closing off all attempts to understand his decisions or his heart. He can’t stand to be hugged at that point (well, he struggles to be hugged most any time, but especially when he is in trouble). He can almost get violent in his reaction to being held or forced to stay in the discussion — it’s like his shame is so overwhelming his emotions that he feels totally trapped. Sometimes I have to let him run away; sometimes I have to squeeze him into me and force him to open up his emotions.

I realized reading this passage that I do that with my heavenly Father. In my shame, I quit coming to Him. I want to run into the darkness of my own room and hide away. In turn though, He hems me in. He lays His hand on me. Or worse, there are times when He lets me go away into my darkness, knowing that I am rejecting Him. But He always waits. He always knows. He knows that I have no where else to go, and that deep down, I truly love Him, and desire to be in His Presence more than in the darkness.

I know, deep down, that my son loves me, and he desires that my love will never end, even in those moments where he feels he has let me down. I wish that I could help him understand that I know what it is like to do wrong, to feel shame, but to also know that my Father is always there for me, just as He is there for him, and me as well.

The song I’ve added, called Honestly, includes the following lyrics:

Honestly can I tell you where I’m at
Honestly can I pull the curtain back
Will you run if you see how weak I am

If you don’t see the real me you won’t see what mercy’s done
If you don’t see my weakness you won’t see what love has won
If you don’t wee the distance from the darkness to the sun
You won’t see
Honestly

Honestly I’m growing sick and tired
Honestly it hurts too much to hide
Brokeness that’s killing us inside

Let the light escape
From these holes inside my soul
When I start to break
THen grace begins to flow
Let the light escape
From this wounded place inside my soul
Honestly