Stop Praying in your Head May 11, 2011
Posted by erichaynes in Family Ministry, General, Leadership, Spiritual Journey, Stories of MyLife.Tags: Christ, Family Ministry, God, Grace, Intimacy, Journey, leaders, Leadership, ministry, people, prayer, Presence of God, small groups, Spiritual Journey, spiritual transformation, Spirituality, Stories of MyLife, Talking with God
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I struggle to pray. 
Yea, I know, I’ve been a Christian a long time…we’re all supposed to be able to “thee” and “thou” with the best of them and give an “AMEN!” at the end of every other sentence. Personally though, I’m still trying to figure out why I’m supposed to close my eyes.
I could probably count on two hands how many times I’ve really felt like I’ve gotten prayer right…and yet, even with those “successes” I’ve still struggled to keep praying in a real and meaningful way. Sometimes I feel like I’m a 7th grader at his first dance and all I can get out of my mouth when I move towards that cute girl on the other side of the room is “bla-bla-gloobla-bloo”.
But this week a couple of big prayer moments happened. First, my wife felt compelled to pray for the kids in our KidZone program at Shoal Creek. She invited others on the team to join her, but they probably suffer from the same “first dance” complex that I often do, and didn’t choose to come. But that didn’t stop Lynne — she walked the hallway, entering each and every room, praying for the kids and for their small group leaders. She prayed very specific prayers, and she asked specific requests of God. She told me afterward, as she prayed over my desk, that she felt God gave her the word “oneness” — that as “one team” our staff of volunteers need to serve these kids and share with them God’s Redemptive Story. Not sure what that looks like yet, but I felt God’s presence in that.
The second event happened today. Spurred on by the example of my wife, and responding to a felt call by the Spirit, I prayed for each and every man in my Tuesday morning men’s group. I had promised them to take up their causes and needs and pray a FULL HOUR for them this week.
What was I thinking??!! A full HOUR?
Now, don’t get me wrong, but I almost hate it when people ask me to pray for them. ”Of course,” I’ll tell them, then either promptly forget it, or I’ll say a quickie prayer under my breath as I get in the car –”God help them” — then go on, knowing I’ve done my civic duty. I’ve checked it off my to-do list.
What I discovered today, as I walked for that whole hour (I prefer to walk while I’m praying, which is a good reason for me to NOT close my eyes), is that when I pray out of my head, I spend little to no time thinking about the person I’m praying about or the God to whom I am praying. Today, however, as I spent the whole hour, I had to slow down (or else run out of things to pray about), and in that slowing down, I started to think about what each man was going through in their life that needed that prayer. And I started to consider how God may go about answering that prayer. And I started reflecting on how that prayer request could have just as easily been a prayer for myself.
As I went through the prayers for these 10 other men, I realized that I was bound to them by the mutual desire to be better men, better husbands, better friends, better fathers, and better Christ-followers. Our hopes and dreams were bound up together, and our joy and suffering was the same. My heart moved toward them, and it softened. And my intimacy with the Lord deepened as we shared a moment of hope, love, and grace towards this humble group of men.
I learned today that Praying is a matter of the heart, not of the head.
Now, the prayer I need from you is that I don’t forget that lesson.
Is the Future Hopeful or Fearful? February 23, 2011
Posted by erichaynes in Family Ministry, Family Stories, General, Leadership, Spiritual Journey, Stories of Marriage, Stories of MyLife.Tags: Bible, Family Ministry, fear, God, Intimacy, Journey, Leadership, people, purpose, Spiritual Journey, spiritual transformation, Spirituality, Stories of MyLife
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When you look at your kids, or your parents, or your spouse, or your best friend — what do you see? Do you see someone who has a bright future? Or do you have some fears for the direction they are headed, or maybe about how they make choices, or how they are going to get their head out of the sand and get on with life?
When you look at them — do you feel energized, or depressed/concerned/anxious/angry?
Eugene Peterson wrote in The Message for his introduction to 1st Thessalonnians:
The way we conceive the future sculpts the present, gives contour and tone to nearly every action and thought through the day. If our sense of future is weak, we live listlessly. Much emotional and mental illness and most suicides occur among men and women who feel they they ‘have no future.’
When I look at the people I care most about, I have the power to sculpt their future and their present by what I allow myself to see. If I see them with fearful anxiety, or malice, then I create a snapshot of their present that will affect their future. When I move beyond my fears for and about them, and give voice to how God truly sees them and wants for them, I can begin to affect their present and future. I have the power to give the gift of hope to those I care about the most.
But I have to voice it. I have to take the time to prayerfully consider what God sees in them; what He has created them to be. I have to remove my own selfish desires for them, my own feelings of disappointment in them, and my own anxieties of the unsafe world they exist in, and truly seek God’s vision for them. It will always have Hope in it, even if the journey to that hopeful future includes pain.
So today, will you pray for those you care the most about? Will you ask God to give you His eyes to see them? Will you write down what you see and share it with them?
My wife does this often, particularly as we seek to follow His will for our lives. She has to push past what she sees as my weaknesses (without being blind to them), push past her own fears of our financial security, and push past her natural tendency to see the world as a negative environment for dreams. She has gifted me with several letters over the past few years about her trust in God working through me, her belief in God’s will for me, and her willingness to follow me wherever God leads me. She shares how she values the gifts and leadership I bring to our family and our relationship. And on those days when I feel like I don’t have the strength or the wisdom or the willfulness to press on, I can drag out her letters and read again the hopeful future she sees for me.
I wish I could give this gift to every mom, dad, child, and friend — another person lifting them up towards a hopeful future.
7 Journeys for 2011 February 14, 2011
Posted by erichaynes in Family Ministry, Financial Freedom, General, Leadership, Spiritual Journey, Stories of Marriage, Stories of MyLife.Tags: 7 Journeys, Christ, Family Ministry, goals, God, Grace, Jesus, Journey, Leadership, ministry, nature, people, Presence of God, purpose, small groups, Spiritual Journey, spiritual transformation, Spirituality, Stories of MyLife
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At Shoal Creek Community Church, where I now have taken up vocational residence for all things children and family related, we have our own particular vernacular for detailing the various attributes of the spiritual journey to full devotion in Christ Jesus, called The 7 Journeys. As part of a men’s group that I meet with each Tuesday morning, we have spent the past month talking about each Journey and what our personal “next step” is for each of those important areas of our lives. 
In addition to committing myself to getting my body back into a state of physical health (something that took some hits this past year), I am focusing on the following:
J1 – Earner to Heir: I will give at least half-a-day-a-week to walk with my God in outdoor solitude, and a day of fasting at least once a month, in order to better maintain focus on my beautiful relationship with my Father.
J2 – Self-Hearted to Soft-Hearted: I will spend more time each day exploring the needs of my wife and taking leadership in the growing list of large projects at our home, in order to strengthen my heart, serve my wife, and model servanthood to my children.
J3 – Receiver to Giver: I will take a more active role in discussing Christ with my kids on a weekly basis, and reach out to my neighbors by actively creating connecting opportunities this year.
J4 – Isolation to Community: I will more intentionally build relationships with the men in my Tuesday morning group and Thursday evening small group by connecting (phone, email, or in person) with at least one member each week.
J5 – Consumer to Producer: I will actively develop the art of Storytelling in me by teaching children how to tell stories through a summer camp and school storytelling club, ultimately in order to better teach the greater Story of God to my community.
J6 – Charitable to Extravagant: I will help my children better gain an understanding of the power of giving by guiding them to giving opportunities; and I will give sacrificially to help eradicate the Shoal Creek mortgage.
J7 - Traveler to Guide: I will bring together a team of families passionate about helping families begin the spiritual journey towards full devotion to Christ.
There are some smaller details in the midst of all of these that, hopefully, will help accomplish these “next steps”, but in general, they are the things I know I need to focus on this year. I am excited about the adventure and grateful for the men in my life who will help me, and who I get to help in their journeys as well.
What do YOU need to do this year to move you closer to God?
A Story yet to Be August 24, 2010
Posted by erichaynes in General, Leadership, Spiritual Journey, Stories of MyLife.Tags: goals, God, Journey, ministry, purpose, Spiritual Journey, Stories of MyLife
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Down the street live some normal families.
Down the street lives some twins who’s parents are getting divorced, a single mom trying to make ends meet, a dad who can’t understand why his wife has left him and his baby son. Down the street live a child with Ausperger’s who doesn’t think he’s very smart and has no friends, a dad who abuses his wife just as his dad abused his mom, and a child left alone while his parents go drinking. Down the street lives a little girl who has had so many “daddies” that she can’t remember all of their names when you ask her. Down the street lives a teenage girl who cuts herself up and down her arms in desperation for someone to love her. Down the street lives a teenager who can’t read.
I have been working with homeless families for nearly 8 years, and it has been rewarding and important. But they aren’t normal families in this community…they are the exception to the rule. Most of the normal families have homes. Most of the normal families have jobs, go to schools, and many even attend churches. But they also tend to work two jobs, watch four hours of television a night, and put their kids to bed as early as possible. They spend less than 2 minutes a day talking to their kids. Their kids are experimenting with drugs and sex before they get out of middle school. This is normal, and normal is slowly killing families and their children.
My next story is to step into this normalcy and change it. I believe that at the heart of every story of pain exists an inability to have strong relationships. In working with homeless families for the past 8 years, the greatest lesson I have learned is that those families who can grow and maintain strong and supportive relationships have a far greater chance of continued success than those who continue to live with no or dysfunctional relationships. But most of them don’t know how to do it. I believe this so deeply, that I have begun the transition away from full-time ministry with homeless families in order to begin developing a ministry that will help “normal” families in our community learn how to develop strong relationships in their marriage, with their children, with other families, and ultimately, with their Creator.
But I am staring at a blank slate. Ideas swirl through my head faster than the Roadrunner. In my mind there are lots of options, lots of plot twists, and innumerable possible endings. But I am putting my faith in God’s promptings and mentorship of me that this is the next chapter of my life, the story that everything else has led up to.
As I’ve been contemplating this shift over the past year, Donald Miller’s most recent book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, has been a strong encouragement to me as I’ve considered the direction that God desires for me to take. I’ve worked with a wonderful ministry to the homeless,yet I’ve always felt that I have been living someones else’s vision and story. I’ve felt a need to step into my own story, a story that is more about redemption and relationship than about financial mastery and job employment. A story that was out to capture the deeper needs of the community, that impacted a wider population that make up the city in which I live.
So I take the plunge into a new story. The “family university” that I envision will break down barriers between families so they can begin getting outside their garage doors and discovering that there is real life outside the walls of their homes; will provide seminars and workshops so they can explore what being a husband/wife/parent is all about and how to relate to each other; will create challenging outdoor experiences where family members can be pushed to their limits not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well; and will create events where families can come together and serve each other and meet the needs within the community (like homeless families, or children who can’t read). I envision a day in my community, where families spend more time out in their driveways getting to know and help their neighbors than they spend in front of their television sets.
But it is a little scary to begin writing this story. There are so many different directions the storyline could try to go. And there is the question of funding…keeping the family fed. It is one thing to say that I am going to live a better story, but quite another to know how to write it. Fortunately, God is the ultimate author of this adventure story.
